Talking About Sex

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For many people talking to their partners about sex seems difficult. Why do people so often avoid this arena altogether? They feel awkward or embarrassed, they aren’t sure what words to use, or they are afraid they might hurt their partners’ feelings.

Meanwhile, as a result of not talking about sex, a person may make assumptions about a partner’s feelings and about what kinds of touches the partner might desire. This then gives power to the old, but still prevalent, myth that a man or woman should automatically know what his/her partner wants without having any conversation or guidance to help. People may put up with unpleasant sensations or emotions because they don’t feel comfortable talking about them.

Rather than leave it to intuition or luck, many couples have discovered the joys of verbally sharing with each other their likes, dislikes, and innermost feelings. “I would like...” and “I feel...” are key starters for improving communication about sex (as well as about many other things too). When people open up ALL the communication channels, real intimacy begins to flourish and there is an increased likelihood for greater sexual pleasure.

To overcome problems in sexual communication, “doing it” (in this instance “it” refers to talking) is a good avenue for learning. As you talk and listen, proceed gently and phrase things positively as much as possible — sex is a sensitive, but wonderful, topic. Ask your partner for feedback. Each couple will have their own preferences about communicating, even if they are as yet unexplored.

If you feel you and your partner could be helped by marriage / sex therapy, contact Dr. Rucker, at her Vancouver, BC therapy office. She can be reached by phone at (604) 731-4466 or by email at BR@biancarucker.com.

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